You know you are from Miami.........

you live 15 minutes from the beach, but you never go 

the car behind you honks their horn because you stopped at a red light 

you get mad if the DJ doesn't play salsa, meringue, bachata, or reggaeton at a party 

you refer to your hometown as 305 or MIA 

you know you can't get a job without speaking Spanish  

you only go to a Marlins, Heat, or Dolphins game if they're on a winning streak 

you instinctively buy gallons of water during hurricane season, just in case

you hope for a hurricane to come so you don't have to go to work/school 

you know only tourists go clubbing on South Beach 

you spend your summer days inside cuz it's hot as hell outside...literally 

you're so used to craziness that very few things surprise you anymore 

you want to move out of Miami some day, but you say you'll come back 

you know never to buy mangoes or avocados at a grocery store cuz u grow them in your backyard 

you go to a store/business and the manager tells you "hablas espanol?" cuz they barely can speak english 

you know your pastelitos 

you know that Argentineans make the best steak for the best prices 

you know to be out of Downtown by 6 pm 

you have to wait 4 hours for a bus to come that's supposed to come by ever y 30 minutes 

it's 60 degrees outside and you wear a sweater, a jacket, gloves, a scarf, a hat, and boots 

you know the only time there's no traffic on the Palmetto is from 3-4am 

you know at least one person who has more than six people living in their houses 

your neighbor keeps chickens and goats in their back yard, and you're always worried you'll find one of them dead on your doorstep 

you know the only hills are trash hills 

the only rivers you've seen are the Miami River and canals 

you know any woman walking around after dark on Flagler or Biscayne is a prostitute 

you own a guayabera or know what one is 

you buy mamoncillos & limes while waiting in traffic 

a light lunch consists of chicharrones and malta Hatuey 

you see a sushi bar on every corner 

you get your chicken from Pollo Tropical 

your shrimp, lobster, and designer purses all come from one place: some guy's trunk in Hialeah 

you see girls wearing clubbing clothes to go to 7-11 

there's a navarro on every corner 

you have to put on the invitations "starts at 2:30pm " when the event really starts at 3:30pm just so people actually get there on time.