Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
You know you are from Miami.........
you live 15 minutes from the beach, but you never go
the car behind you honks their horn because you stopped at a red light
you get mad if the DJ doesn't play salsa, meringue, bachata, or reggaeton at a party
you refer to your hometown as 305 or MIA
you know you can't get a job without speaking Spanish
you only go to a Marlins, Heat, or Dolphins game if they're on a winning streak
you instinctively buy gallons of water during hurricane season, just in case
you hope for a hurricane to come so you don't have to go to work/school
you know only tourists go clubbing on South Beach
you spend your summer days inside cuz it's hot as hell outside...literally
you're so used to craziness that very few things surprise you anymore
you want to move out of Miami some day, but you say you'll come back
you know never to buy mangoes or avocados at a grocery store cuz u grow them in your backyard
you go to a store/business and the manager tells you "hablas espanol?" cuz they barely can speak english
you know your pastelitos
you know that Argentineans make the best steak for the best prices
you know to be out of Downtown by 6 pm
you have to wait 4 hours for a bus to come that's supposed to come by ever y 30 minutes
it's 60 degrees outside and you wear a sweater, a jacket, gloves, a scarf, a hat, and boots
you know the only time there's no traffic on the Palmetto is from 3-4am
you know at least one person who has more than six people living in their houses
your neighbor keeps chickens and goats in their back yard, and you're always worried you'll find one of them dead on your doorstep
you know the only hills are trash hills
the only rivers you've seen are the Miami River and canals
you know any woman walking around after dark on Flagler or Biscayne is a prostitute
you own a guayabera or know what one is
you buy mamoncillos & limes while waiting in traffic
a light lunch consists of chicharrones and malta Hatuey
you see a sushi bar on every corner
you get your chicken from Pollo Tropical
your shrimp, lobster, and designer purses all come from one place: some guy's trunk in Hialeah
you see girls wearing clubbing clothes to go to 7-11
there's a navarro on every corner
you have to put on the invitations "starts at 2:30pm " when the event really starts at 3:30pm just so people actually get there on time.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving
As I’ve said so often in this space, almost all of us live better than the kings of
We have magic carpets with seats that recline; we have jesters, bards, gladiators and orchestras on instant call (with remote control, volume control, pause, fast forward and reverse).
We have cell phones, antibiotics, zippers – Velcro, even – Google, anesthesia, and aspirin.
We have air-conditioning!
We really have a lot to be thankful for.......Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Global Warming - Declared over?
Lowest Hurricane activity in 30 years......
http://www.coaps.fsu.edu/~maue/tropical/
Monday, November 03, 2008
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Miami goes a month without MURDER
Pretty sad.... the headline on the front page of the Miami Herald this morning announces that for the first time in 42...the city did not record a murder.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Rube Goldberg - Video Link - Waste of time!
A silly waste of time.....now called "viral" marketing.....Videos like this go around the world in seconds, minutes, a few days......The video isn't "amazing".....but, the ability to reach billions of people is !!!
TIPS - From the Redneck Book of Manners
Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
Entertaining In Your Home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating (outside the family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.'
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
Weddings
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Two Reasons why it is hard to solve a Redneck Murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
Entertaining In Your Home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating (outside the family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.'
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
Weddings
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Two Reasons why it is hard to solve a Redneck Murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
We are a nation of morons!
How can you expect people to be pissed off about our government when less than 20% even know who Nancy Pelosi is? GE owns NBC and MSNBC....and they report whatever they think will increase the share price of stock.....It's all lies....to keep you buying refrigerators and color TV's
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Tax Rebate to help US economy?
The federal government is sending each and everyone of us a $600 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If we purchase a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico,
Honduras, and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan.
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan...
And none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy
prostitutes, weed, beer, cigarettes, whiskey, and tattoos, since these
are the only products still produced in the USA.
Thank you for your help & please support the US.
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